Book Review: Own Your Past Change Your Future by John Delony

Own Your Past Change Your Future: A Not-So-Complicated Approach to Relationships, Mental Health, and Wellness. John Delony. Ramsey Press (2022). 261 pages. Genre: Nonfiction.

First Line: "I quietly slipped out of my bedroom, careful not to wake my wife or young son."

Summary: Dr. John Delony helps us understand that our past is made up of different kinds of stories and how those stories are affecting us today. He then gives us steps to take to heal from our past hurts and live a heathier, more whole life.

My thoughts:  John Delony takes a unique approach in helping the reader understand their past.  The first part of the book looks at the different stories that make up each of our pasts; stories about the world, about ourselves, about relationships, stories we're told and that happened and stories we tell ourselves.  He then asks the reader to own their stories. There are questions at the end of each of the chapters that he suggests you write answers for that will help you identify what your own stories are.  In each chapter he uses personal examples or examples of others to help you see what each type of story might encompass.  It was really helpful to pause and think about what my stories might be.

The second part of the book gives the reader five steps that will help with the healing process.  They are:

*Own your stories

*Acknowledge reality

*Get connected

*Change your thoughts

*Change your actions

He gives a clear explanation of each step and how this might play out in an actual life.  He repeatedly acknowledges that it will not be easy and that this is not a one time thing.  This is something you will have to do over and over, but eventually you will begin to see change.  I appreciated his honesty as he tells his own story of going through the process.  He has also worked with numerous people as a counselor and a student affairs administrator on a university campus.  

I had heard Dr. Delony interviewed and thought he sounded like a down-to-earth, practical person which is why I wanted to read his book.  All of us have trauma that we are carrying and many of us don't realize it.  Here is how Dr. Delong defines trauma: 

"We often think of trauma as the big car wreck, tsunami, heart attack - or when you find out your husband has been cheating on you after twenty-five years of marriage.  As Bessel van der Kolk notes, 'Trauma is an event that overwhelms the central nervous system.' But trauma is so much more than the single bad event.  Trauma is also neglect, not being seen, experiencing hard things alone, or any other experiential or environmental stressor that causes your body to take over and react for you, using its primitive response system.  Trauma can be big or small, and it can accumulate over time."

This book will open your eyes to your own past and give you a vision for a better future.

Quotes:

"Grieving is a practice.  It's the movement toward the pain, where you take ownership of what has happened and allow it to integrate into your body.  Grieving is allowing your amygdala to recognize that the threat has passed and allowing your frontal lobe to slowly come back online.  It's acknowledging that the loss is real."

"Control what you can control.  You can control what you think. What you say. What you do. What you want. Who you speak with.  Who you allow into your life and how much they influence what you believe.  Where you work.  Where you live. How you spend your money.  How you process emotions.  How you spend your time."

"You cannot control what happened.  You control how you think about it and what you do next."